First sentence of my next novel “Unit 731”

So I’ve been putting together a few story threads for my next novel, and doing some initial research. After knocking a few opening scenes around in my head, I finally decided on where the story should start. I still need to decide on the character’s name but I was able to write the first sentence of the story.

First, a little about the book, Unit 731. I’m trying to condense my log line into a single sentence. Here’s what I have:

In the final days of World War II, a Japanese doctor attempts to flee Japan with a state secret and is pursued by an Imperial police officer through Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Here’s the opening line (I haven’t decided on the main character’s name yet)

<Name> was given a cyanide capsule and instructed to take the secret to his grave.

Still have a few more sentences to write so don’t expect Unit 731 to be in print until around oh, summer of 2012?? If you need some reading before then, be sure to check out The Cigar Maker!

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4 Responses to First sentence of my next novel “Unit 731”

  1. Good first sentence, but the single sentence log line sounds like any other WWII “catch me if you can” novel…or movie for that matter. I immediately conjure up Tommy Lee Jones or Liam Neeson as the police officer. Sorry.

  2. mmcginty says:

    Good feedback. I wonder if I should use the words “atomic bombs” in the log line, since the chase goes through Hiroshima and Nagasaki, and these two characters will survive the first atomic bomb and then unknowingly head directly for the second.

  3. How about this…

    Having escaped the carnage of the first atomic bomb near the end of World War II, a Japanese doctor concealing a state secret is pursued by an Imperial Officer through the streets of Hiroshima while the threat of a second bomb lies unknowingly ahead.

    It’s a bit wordy, but it is one sentence and I think it packs much more of a punch.

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